Tired and weary you made no fuss, you tried so hard to stay with us, you suffered so much and told so few, you never deserved what you went through.

I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Memorial will be held at Beechwood Park in Bogota on Queen Anne road at 2.00pm on Sept 7th for all who would like to come and say there goodbyes and to share memories of our Tash

thank you Natasha!!!!!!!!!!!!! For being my daughter and for giving me your heart. I am honored to have been your mum for such a short time. You and your brothers are the greatist gift I have ever been given.

To All of Natasha's friends. This web site is also for you to share and remember Tash by as we don't have a place to go visit her. If you want to share a story in the about section please e-mail me and I will add it. Any pictures or memories or anything at all that you want put on the site please let me know. This  site is for you to all share and come visit when you need to.

Natasha also has another website if you would like to visit to read more about her and her family and life. Its

http://natasha-whitmore.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=view&mem_id=11069&page_no=1

Natasha's mum

Please light a candle if you visit, so I know you were here. Or write a little memory in the tributes. Love Katrina

A Short story about her life is written by her brother Dwane under her Legacy




Her life story written by her brother Dwane written under her Legacy.

Natasha left behind some books on healing and spiritual guides to help me heal as she was trying to do. She kept my letters and I have them now.





NOVEMBER 15th 1979


On November 15th 1979, I was blessed with a baby daughter. She was my first child and was so beautiful, the moment I held her in my arms I fell in love.  She was so beautiful, so sensative, too sensative sometimes. She always wanted to make people happy, she would tell them what they wanted to hear because she didnt want to cause any pain. She was vibrant, full of life always looking for excitment. She was my little chalenge child. She made me laugh she made me cry. She trusted me with her inermost thoughts.   


Natasha Passed away in her sleep September 7th in her home in Canberra Australia. She passed from a bacterial or fungal infection to her heart.  It was probably caused by a dirty needle.  I wish she had gone to the Dr's to get antibiotics.

The song playing is one of the songs Natasha loved. It was played at her service. It was picked by her brother Dwane. Its a beautiful song.

Natasha was born in Canberra Australia, in the Canberra hospital

More about Tash
Natasha was the most beautiful baby ,child and adult. Through out her life she was chosen by many photographers as their poster child. Even her picture was in a large mall in a giant photo.

She was a bubbly happy child, but had signs of depression. We just thought it was her personality. All the photos I have of her show her having so much fun. She always had a smile on her beautiful face.

NATASHA WITH CASSANDRA
She had many close friends in her younger years, too many to mention but the closest were Cassandra and Ryan, while living in Australia. Janet, Lilly, Dana, Janelle, Nicky,Tania, Jessica, Grant, Derrick our best friends the Cassarrelos and neighbors the Bryan's and many many more while in the USA. Even Marty who she fell in love with when returning to Australia who I used to hate but now I dont know how I feel,I don't want to mention him  but Tash would be mad if I didn't. She did love him. 

Tash and lilly

Tash and Janet

Natasha as a child had a little

 demanding personality, but she was so cute everyone gave her what she wanted. She gave me so much joy even when she got me upset.  She was such a generous child. She loved our house in Bogota with her best friends next door.

Her first day at school I wanted to walk her to school which was 3 minutes away. No mummy she said i can do it. She started school with her best friend Casaandra. They both toddled off while I watched thinking what a brave little girl I have. I wished I could have taken her right  to the door but how could I take away her pride for being such a big liitle girl.

Teen age years were a little difficult as they are for most teens. Her depression didnt help however she had many happy times and I am so happy for all my memories.

As a young adult moving into her first appartment, she was at her happiest. She was so generous she took in strangers who were homeless. Regardless of her financial situation. She went to the theatre. Men flocked around her she was like a sweet butterfly. She went out had so much fun with her friends. Our realtionship was so perfect during those years. We had a great respect for each other and would have done anything for each other. She had her brothers stay with her often she loved them so much. Going out for dinner and mothers day she would always order the largest most expensive thing on the menu. How I miss that. She loved to go out to eat. She dressed like  a movie star when she went out,

Christmas was always so wonderful with all my children home.

It was sadder when our Dwane moved to Australia as we all missed him so much, but he was happy thats what mattered most.

Natasha was so loved and cherished by her friends and family.

 Unfortunately when she moved to Australia she had a hard time making friends and became a lonely lost soul. Her demons wouldnt leave her alone.  Many sad horrible things happenned to her. Then she met Marty. She thought he was her protector (he controlled her) but she was the one trying to save him.  They tried to save each other but were not healthy for each other. They had a on and off relationship as Marty was in jail most of the time. The bipolar  meds and the self medication to stop the demons and the  pain were actually causing you more harm.

She loved her family, Nan and brothers with a passion.

She loved to write and save all letters and memories through out her life . She was very sentimental.

She always looked well groomed she loved make up and always looked imaculate.

She always wore makeup and looked beautiful.

When she loved she loved you, she loved with her whole heart.,
and you new it. She had many friends, once you were her friend you were her friend for life.


She was the most sweetest, kindest caring person, with a little wild or should I say big wild streak. She could never say no to anyone even when she knew it was wrong. 

All she wanted out of life was a family her own little family with a man by her side and a child in her arms.

She wanted to be happy and her demons to leave her , but they would not. They kept comming back and back and tortured my sweet child. So much pain for such a sweet heart. She lost the ability to keep and have many friends, How sad. It breaks my heart
 
Natasha I miss you more than words can say. Part of me died when you left us. I don't know why you were only with us such a short time. Its not fare.
We all love you with every breath we take.

Goodbye my sweet angel.

The story continues .

 Please read Her loving brothers tribute






To My Natasha,

Every tear I shed, I shed for you my angel.

The more tears I shed means the more I loved you,

so with out my tears I am nothing ,

My pain is also my love for you,

so how can I wish it away,

Without pain there would have been no love,

My pain is so deep I am crawling on the floor,

I can't stand on my 2 feet, I can't get up,

But it's because I love you,

So I will embrace my pain,

Just like I wish I could embrace you my angel

Your mum

Katrina





Natasha's brothers they loved her so much


Dwane her soul mate

Brendan her baby brother who she wanted to protect and love

I woke up this Sunday morning and was very depressed. Something made me want to go to church. I dont know why I haven't been to church in years. I don't have a church but I had many to choose from. I chose a little Baptist church that has maybe 20 people that go to it. I say crying through the whole service. 3/4 of the way through the service they had pray requests. A lady stood up and said her child died 1 year ago tomorrow. Well I lost in and ran to the bathroom. After the service I went to the lady and asked if I could hug and hold her. We cried in each others arms. Did Natasha send me there? What are the odds I live in a tiny town. For the rest of the day I had no panic attacks or anxiety even though I cried all day. I like to think Tash sent me on that day.


Going to the light, Tash you have to go honey

First 2 months after Natasha Passed

In the first 2 months. I know Natasha was still on earth. She wasn't ready to go to the light. She turned on wind up music boxs at 2.00am in the morning that was loud enough to wake us up. It was her music box and the music played slower than normal and louder than normal. It was the most beautiful sound we had ever heard. It woke Bobby my hubbie up also. It went on for at least 5 minutes.

Natasha even typed on my IM messenger to my mum from me as I was on the headphones. My hands were not near the keyboard. The words were all jumbled and did not make sense like a child. However the words were what me and my mum were talking about. We talked about the moon and stars and not being able to help herself. These words were in the message. My mum and I freaked out. It was on Natasha's birthday. I have a great security on my computer and checked no one got in. After my mum and I could not work out what she was trying to say I said good by and when I closed the IM browser my computer went crazy. I tried to type and it erased the words as I was typing. buttons popped up everywhere. I checked for a virus. Nothing. I think she was mad because she was trying to say something to us and I broke off the communication.

So we quickly sent off her balloons into the sky and lit her candles on her birthday cake and sang happy birthday to her. Her first birthday in heaven.

I then said Baby its your birthday and I now know you are OK,

Thank you for staying with me but baby you have to go to heaven now. God is calling you. Its not good to stay here. We will survive. Then she left and I haven't heard from her again. I wish I never told her to go because now I don't feel her or see the silly and beautiful things she was doing for me. Now I am crying .
Love Katrina




February 17th






I miss you like the sky miss's the birds.
I miss you like a song without words.
I miss you like the sun miss's the day.
I need you like the desert that needs the rain.







At the beach with Aunty Helga

                                                        







The mention of Natasha's name may bring tears to my eyes.
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you really are my friend, let me hear the music of her name!
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.








This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Natasha Whitmore who was born in Australia on November 15, 1979 and passed away on September 07, 2007 at the age of 27. We will remember her forever.


Natasha was the daughter of Katrina and step daughter to Bobby. She was the granddaughter of Margaret and the late Kurt Pesenhofer. She has two Brothers, Dwane and Brendan. She was the niece of Karl and Helga and cousin to Kaleah, Eithan and Ashlee.













MY Poem to you Natasha,

My tears don't stop flowing and flowing
I don't know how I am to keep going,
Your smile is all I see
I am supposed to be happy you are set free,
The pain is so strong,
this is all so wrong,
I loved you the first day I saw you,
I will love you more and more each day until
we see each other again,
I will remember you with laughter in my tears,
Help me get rid of all my fears,
My sweet child who became a young woman for just a short while
who didn't stay long enough to have her much wanted child.
I thank god for giving you to me for just a short while
May he hold you in his arms and love you
Good bye my sweet child 

written by Katrina




















Dearest Natasha, 3 whole years since we hugged. I hated being so far away from you. I was lost when Dwane then you moved to Australia, my heart was broken.  
     But I wanted what you  both wanted.
     My last memories of you  Natasha in Australia were bitter sweet, most of the times were  wonderful. I saw much of the Natasha I love though and we had great times ,There were also some very sad moments too. YOu had  days that you changed . The pain and the self medication as well as Drs prescriptions had you in your own little world. I cried when I saw you this way. I only wish I was able to come visit you more often Australia  is so far away. 
     I so hope I can come see your brother more often now that I realize how life can be ripped away from you when you least expect it.

Our last time together.
We hung out at the lake, Brendan took a bike ride. We ate lasagna for breakfast. .  We took bus rides around Canberra to show your  little brother around. What a great memory to have. Wish you could have made it to the farewell dinner I wanted to have with you. That sort of makes me sad. I knew you would have made it if you could.  I hope you weren't sad when you realized that you missed it.
.

You were my sunshine, through the good and the bad. 
   I remember when I helped you go back and earn your degree for an administrate assistant. I was so proud. I knew you could do it. 
  I remember when you got those tiny pink rollers stuck in your hair and I had to come over to cut them out. What were you thinking?
   I remember going to your apartment and me taking you food shopping because you were on a diet and kept no food in the house. I loved those days when we went shopping together. 

   I also remember how close we got when you got your apartment. We became such good friends. You used to tell me everything. I wish you had kept sharing your feelings when you moved to Australia. I hope you got my little love you cards that I sent. I so wish I had sent 1,000's more so you didn't feel alone, which I know you did at times because I know you, you are so sweet and sensitive thats what made you so special and so beautiful and I am talking about what was inside you. 

   why is it that when we are alive we don't do all the should haves we keep putting them off until a later date . Then its too late. My biggest regret is not calling you in Australia more often. Even if you weren't home or were sleeping I should have kept trying  No excuse I was so wrapped up with my health stuff. No excuse Tash forgive me. I never went a day without thinking of you though.

 I am going to miss the fact that  the future for us is gone, GONE just like that, in the blink of an eye. I will never know whether you could have  gotten better or not. I am going to miss the fact I cant touch you, smell your sweet skin, hug you .  

My life is over as I once new it. I once had a daughter. I once had 3 kids.
 I still have your name in My address book. I still get mail addressed to you. Ever time I see these things I am ripped open again,
So I am going to try and think of our last times together and of the wonderful talk we had a few months before you left. Of your life in the US good and bad.
You are so missed . I am glad you are at peace and have no more pain.
But I am selfish I would rather have you with me. I loved you the second you were born and I will love you till the day I die.




Daddy I love you so much, You will be able to spend more time with my beautiful Natasha and make up for missed time together.




Daddy are you looking after my precious child. You both know what each other went through with your horrible illness. Now you can find comfort in each other

















 

May you fly free
To Natasha

Do I ever think about you,

Do I ever cry myself to sleep

In the middle of the night when I hear you calling out for me

Do I ever reminisce, I cant believe I am feeling like this.

I know its crazy, but I still can feel your kiss.

It's been almost  over 11 months  since you went away 












.




Natasha L Whitmore

November 15 1979 - September 7 2007